i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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