I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
