dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
