Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
