It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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