he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
