PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
