We're like a lot better than the average bears
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
