Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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