The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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