I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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