Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
