JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
