I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
