I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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