i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
