We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
