none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
