that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
