Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
