You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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