and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
