I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
