Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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