In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
