Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
