Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
