I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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