problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
