he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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