this beer tastes like vomit already
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
