lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
