My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
