Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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