everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
