you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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