now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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