just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
