Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
