got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
