apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
