who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
