i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
