guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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