Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
