I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
