So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
