i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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