just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
