3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
