i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
