discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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