Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
