Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wear drunk well.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
