Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
