I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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