The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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