this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
