are you still at the devil's house?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
